Chris Brown . . . . . . Rihanna

Today I received an email from D in VA who expressed concern about her daughter. Her fear is that her daughter might be married to an abuser. She wrote to me because I had commented on a blog regarding the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. She asked for information on signs and indicators of an abusive man.

I gave her some advice about what to do as a mother - listen, listen and believe. I wrote her a lengthy email, talking about myths and realities, signs and red flags and some advice that I learned from sad experience. Don't demean your daughter's husband, as she will become defensive and stop talking to you, her mother. Keep those lines open and never make her choose between you and him. I sincerely hope that her daughter is in a safe place.

As awful as this high profile situation is, perhaps the attention Chris Brown and Rihanna (and I don't even like to connect them with "and") will help start dialogues between victims and their friends and families. Talking about domestic abuse is the only way it can be brought into the daylight and out of the dark corners where it has been hidden for so many, many years.

There has been some talk about changing Domestic Violence Awareness month from October to May. My initial reaction was, "yes, maybe it should not have to compete with other worthwhile causes like Breast Cancer Awareness", but as I look at the beginning of each year, we have January which is Stalking Awareness, Teen Dating Violence Awareness(Feb), Sexual Assault Awareness(Apr), Crime Victim's Rights Month(Apr) and if we then put May as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, that makes all of the emphasis on violence against women in the first half of the year - obviously, my feeling is that we should be aware of victims of these crimes every month. The fact that my Lisa's birthday is in October, is another reason for me to want October to be DV Awareness Month. But I am only one mommy.

And on another thought, an agency might get a sponsor for Sexual Assault event, i.e., Take Back the Night in Apr, but try getting that same sponsor to fund a DV event the very next month - they would be much more likely to sponsor another similar-cause event 6 months later. In a perfect world those of us in the business of trying to help and assist victims and prevent abuse would not have to focus on raising $$, but this is not a perfect world and it takes the support of those in the community to keep our message in the forefront. Just something to ponder.

John says, "Good judgment comes from bad experiences, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."