Thursday, April 2, 2009

Abusers come in every color, size, occupation . . .


I thought my heart would break as I listened while my friend told me of the pain she has endured over the past several years, as she has been victimized by her husband, as he ridiculed her, demeaned her, insulted her, called her fat, undesirable and totally revolting.


This woman is a stay-at-home mother of three beautiful children, she supports them and has supported her husband as his career has continued to rise. She has made a beautiful home for their family. She is such a talented decorator and can truly make a wonderland out of the back yard. I have seen her, walk, join fitness clubs, exercise and work to make herself into "his" desired weight for her.


BTW, she is beautiful, not fat and certainly undeserving of his insults.


What breaks my heart is that even after he has moved out, left her in financial ruin, she still worries about how she looks and how much she weighs and how he sees her. Nothing will ever be good enough for this man as far as she is concerned, because it's not about her. It's about him, everything is about him -- his wants, his needs, his life.


The interesting thing about this whole situation is that this man was very helpful to our family when Lisa died. He was concerned about the safety of our family. He assisted us in getting Lisa's dog away from her abuser after Lisa died. He was even present when Lisa's abuser was arrested.


But . . . . I'm sure it has never occurred to him that he is just as emotionally and verbally abusive to his lovely wife as Lisa's abuser was to her.


Wake up. Whether you are a loser, an educator, a car salesman, or in law enforcement, you can be an abuser. Just because you see yourself as superior, does not mean you are and, does not give you the right to use your power and control over you family.


I love you CJ, as do many other, and I will be here for you. Love Linda

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