A Trip to El Paso - Nice Break in the Routine

A trip to El Paso, Texas this past week was a good break from the routine. Linda and I were pleased to present Control.Assault.Delete to Leadership El Paso and to a number of other interested paties in a separate venue. Two shows in one day is a really exciting opportunity. I fear the hype of telling the domestic violence story to bring awareness to audiences could become addictive!

We were further blessed to spend time in the home of dear friends in El Paso and that enriched the experience. We continue to be amazed by the reaction of the people in this community. Unlike so many they are alive and vibrant and want to brighten their corner of the world. The reception to the message we presented was overwhelming. Tears flowed and one of the most asked questions is, "Having lost a daughter to domestic violence yourselves, why do you put yourselves through this?" The answer Linda gives is, "I don't want any other parents to have to go through the loss of a child."

We are pleased to have this new play in the Fix the Hurt repertoire and plan to build it to even greater and more powerful pieces At the time of this writing, a new play is being written and we hope to roll it out this fall. The title is "I Have This Friend", and we hope to deliver a dating violence message to teens and their parents through the high schools.

Another issue that creates a huge challenge in preventing domestic violence has recently raised its ugly head. Linda is a member of the Victim's Assistance Program for the City of Mesa, Arizona (VAP's). Recently, she was on a death call and while waiting for the medical examiner to arrive she asked the officers why they seldom called the VAP's on Domestic Violence calls. They responded, "because it is just a revolving door! We arrest one this time and the other the next and no matter who who we arrest the victim always goes back!"

She explained that the VAP's are trained to help the victim not have to go back. They agreed they had not thought of that aspect. Still, the calloused attitude remains because of the number of cases the police handle and the number of times the victim turns on the police.

We are looking for grant money to put together a play that will reach the police officers and enlighten them in the many ways DV can be stopped and prevented.

John

John says, "Don't corner something that you know is meaner than you!"

DIVO and More . . . .

Sunday afternoon I flew to El Paso to participate in a seminar on Monday. My good friend, Susan Hatch, picked me up at the hotel and we went to the El Paso Crime Victims' Memorial. It is an extremely well thought out, beautifully constructed memorial to victims of crime in El Paso County. These people really care . . . my heart was touched as I saw my daughter's name listed among others who represent thousands of friends and loved ones who have suffered the unexpected loss of those they care about. It doesn't go away -- the pain, I mean. Please don't use the word "closure" with me. Life goes on, you continue to get up every morning, you laugh, you make changes in your life, you help others along the way, you grow older, you love your grandchildren, you learn news skills, you forget where you are supposed to be sometimes, you have aches and pains, you get sick, you get well. But you never "close" the door on someone you loved, just because they die. Thank you, Susan, for caring enough to make sure I got to experience this moment.

Monday was remarkable, at least for me. I was given the opportunity to address a group of defense attorneys and others who attended the Defense-Initiated Victim Outreach Seminar. It was much more than I expected in many ways. Those involved in bringing this to the criminal justice system as an option for the defense side of the law, are truly an awesome group of people, Stephanie Frogge from Austin pulled everything together; Richard Burr is a soft-spoken, articulate man who truly believes in this process; John Niland, the Director of Capital Trial Project in Texas, cares about people, their feelings and the justice process; Dr. Pam Leonard has done much to further the Restorative Justice Project in Georgia (love her accent - she's more Southern than me); and Dr. Marilyn Armour is the Exec Dir of the Institute for Restorative Justice and she understands survivors and wants to make life better for all who suffer this loss - she really cares. It was a great experience for me - I stood toe-to-toe with someone I have wanted to address for some time and I held my ground . . . it was wonderful. "Mr. Gandara, if we ever meet in a social situation again, you may shake my hand, and say, 'Hello'. but never say bad things about my dead daughter to me again."

Today I met with Larry Winward, who introduced me to Michael Hughes, CEO of A New Leaf. What a great guy - very personable, well-informed about the non-profit world. He took a lot of time to advise on what steps to take and how to take Fix the Hurt to the next level of success as we strive to obtain funding, grow the organization and continue to educate, bring awareness and enlightenment to communities about domestic violence/abuse. Now to put that knowledge into action.

I also talked with some old friends (well, not really old) who still struggle with Lisa's death. They were friends and family. They agonize over what could have been done to save Lisa. I'm not sure in Lisa's case that there could have been a positive outcome. But it's good to look back and hopefully that helps us to look forward toward better lives for those that need our help.