Cienega High School - by Julia Sullivan

       More often than not, juveniles (especially those in middle school and early high school) are considered immature and ignorant. From the perspective of a great deal of adults, children in this age group are looked on as having little to no understanding of reality and its trials, as well as have the categorization of being delinquents and troublemakers. One of the trials that these juveniles are said to have little understanding of is in the realms of romantic and sexual relationships. If anything, these relationships are seen as innocent and trivial, with the only real danger of young love being pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. However, quite contrary to this belief, on the morning of April 25th I was made witness to the tremendous understanding, knowledge and questioning that these juveniles were capable of, as well as the true realities of their relations with the opposite sex.  

      Driving as the sun rose in the sky, Linda of Fix the Hurt invited myself and two other interns to join her on a journey to Cienega High School in Tucson, where she was to make a speech regarding the dangers of domestic violence abuse, as well as her own personal story of loss and devotion. Before arriving I, as many other individuals my age, had a preconceived notion regarding how 14 and 15 year-olds considered domestic violence. Immature, risk-tasters, unknowledgeable. However, as I seated myself in the auditorium where Linda was to carry on with her presentation, I began to scan the hundreds of faces filing into the auditorium, and became overwhelmed with a sense of familiarity. “This was me.” I thought to myself, as I watched their expressions and body movements as they began to find their seats, boys forming cliques of 7 or 8, girls pairing off into groups of 2. Although I thought myself to be an adult, sitting in a section reserved for us “grown-ups” (a section I had only looked upon as a mere student), it became clear to me at that very moment, that I was not so greatly far from these faces.

        Their mannerisms, their clothing, their conversations. Yet, it was the nature of the relationships that girls had with their boy counterparts that struck me as the most familiar. The relationship was meager, if non-existent. Boys and girls were segregated by choice, with the occasional boy in the back throwing a paper airplane or eraser at the head of the girl in front of him. Tumultuous, confusing. If anything, one of biggest predicaments any boy or girl in middle and high school will have to wrestle with is their relationship with the other sex. Society socializes each gender as if the other was a complete alien, with entirely different habits and attitudes. However, as Linda began to tell her story of the loss of her daughter as a result of domestic violence, of the tumultuous and rocky relationship a male and a female were partners in, a funny thing happened. Silence. The bantering chatter and whispering at the beginning of the presentation came to a halt as a wave of eager eyes rested on Linda as she spoke. For a single moment, regardless of gender, all eyes and minds were focused on a single idea.

        As I continued to sit in my chair and scan my eyes from face to face in the crowd, it became clear to me that my preconceived notions of these young people’s immaturity and ignorance was nonexistent. For all that we as adults don’t give them credit for, these 14 and 15 year-olds seemed to have a firm, strong and serious grasp upon an extremely dire subject matter. Even as the presentation concluded, individuals overcome with emotion with tears streaming their cheeks lined up at the end of the stage, waiting for the chance to tell their story or hug Linda. While their relationships may be rocky at best, it is also true that these very young individuals are much more intelligent and involved than any adult might give them credit for.

         

September - A Month of Remembering

It seems as though September is a month of remembance.  Of course, we all remember 9/11/2001 as the day that America changed.  Families lost friends and loved ones.  It became more difficult to get on an airplane.  Our country's sensitivity heightened about where we were and who was around us.  It was the beginning of two wars where thousands of our young men and women died, many more were wounded physically or emotionally or both.

 And on that first day of September, I lost a daughter, not to an act of terror against America, but to an act of terror in her own home.  Yes, 10 years have passed.  There have been weddings, divorces, a baby born, holidays, birthdays in our family, and about 12,000 deaths in this country due to domestic violence.
As we approach the end of September, we are getting ready for a very busy time at Fix the Hurt, a time for educating and raising awareness through trainings, speaking engagements and five performances of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" and five performances of CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE. 

We are grateful for the opportunity to address over 4,000 students in the East Valley of Arizona, the KAW Nation in Oklahoma and in Hobbs, NM.  We must continue to educate our young people about healthy relationships and the red flags they must watch for as they begin to select their friends and development boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

We hope that you with familiarize yourselves with our upcoming event dates and if you or someone you know are near one of the presentations we have scheduled, that you will join us and promote awareness against domestic and dating violence.

What Would You Do to Fix the Hurt??

Written by Julia Sullivan

After months of preparation, on April 14th, 2011, the group of ASU students in Dr. Alesha Durfee's "Women and Social Change" class embarked on a mission to spread awareness and knowledge of the realities of domestic/relationship violence and abuse. Having Linda King as our supervisor and using the ASU campus as our stage, as well as the most generous help from two phenomenal actors (Chase Reynolds and Elizabeth Sheffer) the group set out to simulate real-life situations of abuse so as to address the question to our fellow student body: "What will YOU do to help fix the hurt?"
Throughout the day, the group set up acting "skits" n various locations of campus. The scene began innocently enough, with a girl on her phone, calling a fellow classmate regarding a group project. Outraged with jealousy and anger, her boyfriend stormed over and grabbed the phone, screaming that the phone and she were his property and that she was a liar. This, of course, leads to physical escalation, as he grabs her and proceeds to drag her a couple of feet before the skit is abruptly ended.

After the skit commenced, the individuals surrounding the area were interviewed. Reactions were varied. Many were simply confused and intrigued by the situation. Some were concerned. Some were outraged, as one man in particular demonstrated as he attemped to put our male actor in a headlock (whowas not harmed in any way during the skit, by the way!!). It was clear that there was a "difussion" of responsibility seen amongst the crowd. Most assumed that someone else would step in at some point or that they would, if it had escalated further. Yet, what could be certain from that day (no matter the reaction of the individual who witnessed the fight) was the newfound awareness instilled upon the ASU community. While it may not be public, domestic abuse is real, tangible and affecting friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, coworkers and classmates each and every day. Becoming a positive influence on someone has nothing to do with the relationship you have towards them, with the most simple action can a stranger or passerby make a difference and save a life.

New Light Brought to Age Old Problem

The age old problem . . . . how to get people to pay attention to a problem they find appalling and believe there is no solution for.

So, it is with Dating and Domestic Violence! We tell our story, people are appalled and verbally condemn the act, and then they go home and immediately forget.

That is the reason the Fix the Hurt group turned to theater arts presentation to try and create a memory that will not be forgotten and will promote action.

For several weeks I was involved with a project to determine the value of theater arts in bringing awareness to the public, relative to these issues. A Women's Studies class scripted a dating violence scenario, entitled, "What would you to do help fix the hurt?" This skit was to be presented in three locations on ASU campus. Actors from the theater arts department on campus were invited to provide two actors to perform this skit.

Basically, the female actress was to be texting and the male actor was to come up, grab the phone and start scrolling though the messages, telling the girl he had the right to look at her text messages because he bought her the phone. He was to accuse her of flirting with some other guy on text. An argument developed and the actor was to take the actress by the arm and lead her away.

While the program prompted a reaction the group did not anticipate, and while it is not the response desired, it does make one important point!! People pay attention and react to live theatrical presentations.

As the actor grabbed the actress by the arm to lead her away, it seems one of the people watching the skit unfold, and not realizing it was a skit, rushed in and put a hammerlock on the actor and took him to the ground. Several people pulled him off the actor and explained to the "hero" that it was just a skit.

Clearly the message got out to the spectators. Fortunately, no one was hurt and the actors felt they had succeeded in realistically presenting the performance and the study group can definitely show that Theater Arts powerfully sends the message.

As a sidebar, there are several factors that come to light as a result of this experience:

1. Had the situation been a real encounter, the abuser would have been more alert to the actions of the crowd and may have not gone down to easily and people could have been hurt.

2. After the fray, the abuser would have, no doubt, blamed the victim for the actions of the hero and would have made her pay dearly for the incident.

To learn more about Fix the Hurt and its programs, go to www.HelpFixtheHurt.org.

Control.Assault.Delete

FIx the Hurt is pleased to announce a new and powerful play entitled, "Control.Assault.Delete", a dating and domestic violence primer.

The goal of this two person play is to:

1. Point out common mistakes made by parents and friends in their frustrated attempts to help the victim escape the abuse;

2. Bring to light common tactics used by abusers to trap victims into a rigidly controlled relationship, and

3. Point out to abusers the pain and misery they bring to the lives of others through their actions.

The play is written by John and Linda King and directed by the very talented, David Barker, the author of "Dodging Bullets", a professor of theater at Arizona State University, with years of theatrical experience. David brings an exciting and innovative approach to the presentation.

The Kings walk you through the frustrations of the parents of a victim, the ilemma of the victim, as well as the vicious actions of her abuser in this presentation. The common thread throughout the saga is the difficulty in helpig the victim escape and making the abuser accept responsibility for his actions. You will see and you will hear excerpts from real life tragedies presented by two very dedicated parents, directed by a very talented professional.

Because one in about three women are involved in a violent relationship and one in four teens experience dating violence, we at Fix the Hurt are committed to helping end domestic and dating violence. Statistics show that teen dating violence flows over into domestic violence.

Control.Assault.Delete takes you through the life of the parents of a young women who fell into a violent dating situation, and over the next 9 years went from trying to make it out to TRYING TO GET OUT ALIVE.

John and Linda want to be sure that no parents ever have to experience the heartbreak of losing a child to violence. You are invited to be entertained and enlightened during the presentation and hope all will stay after the show and participate in the open forum roundtable.

Contact Linda to reserve a date for this show for your area as a training and/or fundraising event.

Teen Dating Violence

I have had an amazing two weeks, first with the White Tiger Girls Conferences in Phoenix, Mesa and Tucson and then, Stop Violence Against Women Day at the Capitol and ending with the opportunity to present Lisa's Story to 5 classes of teens at La Joya High School in Tolleson.

More and more it becomes aware that teens want to talk about the experiences they are having personally and what they see going on around them with their friends and family members. We must reach them at the pre-high school and high school level so that they have the tools they need not only during their dating years, but in making good sound relationship decisions as they mature. It is obvious that many do not have positive role models at home and they obviously are not going to get correct information through the media and their music.

We continue to press forward with "Control.Assault.Delete", anticipating a finished product by first of April. Rehearsals begin today for the cast of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" and will be exciting to see what the new actors and director bring to an already "great" show.

February - Dating Violence Awareness Month

Much attention is being called to the fact that February is Dating Violence Awareness Month. This, in and of itself, is huge, considering that just a few years ago, the fact that dating violence existed was not even acknowledged in society. It was just considered someone being jealous or having a bad temper.

February 8, 9 and 12, I will participate with Paul Henry and White Tiger Girls Conferences in Phoenix, Mesa and Tucson. Last year was my first time to speak at this annual event and I enjoyed my interaction with the girls very much. After the conference, I received heart-felt letters from girls who had been or knew someone in an unhealthy relationship. One of the letters read as follows:

"For me, the worst part of being in an abusive relationship was that until it got violent I didn't consider it abusive. . . . . . he was an angry, bitter, power hungry man that tried to control everything I said or did. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. You get to the point where you are unable to cry anymore, anger replaces sadness and fear is the only dominent emotion."

Letters like this one are the reason that we are engaged in the writing and production of our teen dating violence play, "I Have This Friend". I have read some of the early drafts, and I am very pleased with the progress and the direction that Ross Collins and Miciah Dodge are taking with this much anticipated project.

This morning we had our first 2010 production meeting of the cast of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" I'm very excited and looking forward to working with this great group of talented actors.

Phoenix Cast Auditions - Dating Violence Concerns

We have been remiss in not keeping our commitment to post a new blog message each week. Sometimes it just seems impossible to keep up. We hope you faithful readers will forgive us.

To the side is a logo we are considering for Fix the Hurt Performing Arts Group. Vickie Florschetz has worked tirelessly to bring something to the table that we "love". I think this is it. If you have an opinion let us know.

Loren Marsters held auditions on Saturday, Nov. 8th for a Phoenix cast for Domestic Violence the Musical? We were encouraged by the talent that turned out for the audition, but still need some help with a couple of spots. Anyone out there know a good keyboard player that is good at improv? Let us know if you do. We also need a couple of male actors to take important parts. If you know of someone that would fit these spots let us know right away as we hope to start rehearsals shortly;

The auditions were made more enjoyable by the occasioned visit of two of our original El Paso cast that came to give Loren assistance and moral support. Ginny Green Warren came to help with choreography and Alexander St. Clair came to help by inspiring those trying out. Thanks Ginny and Alex for caring enough to make the trip. After the auditions we got to visit with them as we had lunch at Loren’s favorite burger house—“In and Out Burger”


Things have been very busy and we are involved in some new projects that we are excited about. Currently, we are in a grant application-writing mode for a very important project. We are hoping to get funds which will allow us to write the musical we will call Dating Violence 101. Our talented writer, Loren Marsters has been pondering the opening of this musical, that we intend to appeal to teens and their parents, with music will be geared to fit the targeted audience. Sounds like an impossible task, but we have tremendous confidence in Loren’s ability to pull things together.


We know from the surveys that about 81% of the parents surveyed don’t think dating violence is a problem or say they don’t know if it is a problem, and 54% say they have never talked to their teens about dating violence.

We know from surveys that 83% of tenth graders reported they would turn to a friend for help with dating abuse, rather than to a teacher, counselor, parent or other caring adult.

With these prevailing attitudes among teens and their parents, in most cases the most caring person is left out of the loop with the teen - the parent. How do we resolve this problem? With the musical! How? The intent is to take the shows to high schools and bring parents and teens together to watch the play. The thought is that the parents and teens can open a dialogue about what they see and get their thoughts and concerns out in the open about the play. This will hopefully give the parents and teens the courage to talk about the issues of concern to the teen, and allow the parent to get better insight into the potential or existing problem. This is a critical issue. We must stop Dating Violence and quit graduating Domestic Violence abusers from the schools. If you have any thoughts about grant money let us know.

Pre-Teens' Thoughts

The El Paso Office of the Texas Attorney General's Office sponsored tickets to Domestic Violence The Musical for a group of pre-teens. I had the pleasure of meeting them when they attended the performance.



My friend, Susan Hatch with the AG's office, was kind enough to fax me copies of their impressions of the play and I will pass them along, without revealing their names.



“Domestic Violence can hurt people, physical and emotional. Most of the time it is men, but not all the time, sometimes the abuser can be a female. The abuser can tell the victm that he loves her and by (sic) her all kind of expensive things to make up all the time he hit and abused her and most of the time the victim doesn’t know how to leave. They keep coming back because he keeps saying he loves her and the victim thinks that the abuser will kill her and that is what I learned about Domestic Violence.”


“The main idea is that abuse is not the right thing to do and that anyone can be an abuser, females and males, that is what I learned at the play.”


“The main idea is where the girl was going to die at the hands of her husband. I had seen these emotions – happiness, sadness and anger. The play had a very dramatic scene where she plays the part where she tells everyone to stop laughing. She had enough confidence in herself to say stop. As for the actors and actresses, they did an excellent show.”


“The play was very good and it taught everyone a lesson. Not only males can be abusers, females can, too. I think most people should see this play because it teaches people about real life. And that is what I learned today.”

“The musical dealt with life situations that are faced by victims of abuse. This presentation will be beneficial to our program, especially for our family workshops. It was very well attended and putting the scenes to music made it easier for our youth and other children in attendance to follow.” Program Coordinator



My hope is that the message will stick and that they will be able to identify behaviors and "red flags" that will empower them to separate themselves from potentially violent relationships. If we can reach just one, with the necessary skills she/he may need for a happy, productive life without violence, then I will be happy.

Linda