Cienega High School - by Julia Sullivan

       More often than not, juveniles (especially those in middle school and early high school) are considered immature and ignorant. From the perspective of a great deal of adults, children in this age group are looked on as having little to no understanding of reality and its trials, as well as have the categorization of being delinquents and troublemakers. One of the trials that these juveniles are said to have little understanding of is in the realms of romantic and sexual relationships. If anything, these relationships are seen as innocent and trivial, with the only real danger of young love being pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. However, quite contrary to this belief, on the morning of April 25th I was made witness to the tremendous understanding, knowledge and questioning that these juveniles were capable of, as well as the true realities of their relations with the opposite sex.  

      Driving as the sun rose in the sky, Linda of Fix the Hurt invited myself and two other interns to join her on a journey to Cienega High School in Tucson, where she was to make a speech regarding the dangers of domestic violence abuse, as well as her own personal story of loss and devotion. Before arriving I, as many other individuals my age, had a preconceived notion regarding how 14 and 15 year-olds considered domestic violence. Immature, risk-tasters, unknowledgeable. However, as I seated myself in the auditorium where Linda was to carry on with her presentation, I began to scan the hundreds of faces filing into the auditorium, and became overwhelmed with a sense of familiarity. “This was me.” I thought to myself, as I watched their expressions and body movements as they began to find their seats, boys forming cliques of 7 or 8, girls pairing off into groups of 2. Although I thought myself to be an adult, sitting in a section reserved for us “grown-ups” (a section I had only looked upon as a mere student), it became clear to me at that very moment, that I was not so greatly far from these faces.

        Their mannerisms, their clothing, their conversations. Yet, it was the nature of the relationships that girls had with their boy counterparts that struck me as the most familiar. The relationship was meager, if non-existent. Boys and girls were segregated by choice, with the occasional boy in the back throwing a paper airplane or eraser at the head of the girl in front of him. Tumultuous, confusing. If anything, one of biggest predicaments any boy or girl in middle and high school will have to wrestle with is their relationship with the other sex. Society socializes each gender as if the other was a complete alien, with entirely different habits and attitudes. However, as Linda began to tell her story of the loss of her daughter as a result of domestic violence, of the tumultuous and rocky relationship a male and a female were partners in, a funny thing happened. Silence. The bantering chatter and whispering at the beginning of the presentation came to a halt as a wave of eager eyes rested on Linda as she spoke. For a single moment, regardless of gender, all eyes and minds were focused on a single idea.

        As I continued to sit in my chair and scan my eyes from face to face in the crowd, it became clear to me that my preconceived notions of these young people’s immaturity and ignorance was nonexistent. For all that we as adults don’t give them credit for, these 14 and 15 year-olds seemed to have a firm, strong and serious grasp upon an extremely dire subject matter. Even as the presentation concluded, individuals overcome with emotion with tears streaming their cheeks lined up at the end of the stage, waiting for the chance to tell their story or hug Linda. While their relationships may be rocky at best, it is also true that these very young individuals are much more intelligent and involved than any adult might give them credit for.

         

September - A Month of Remembering

It seems as though September is a month of remembance.  Of course, we all remember 9/11/2001 as the day that America changed.  Families lost friends and loved ones.  It became more difficult to get on an airplane.  Our country's sensitivity heightened about where we were and who was around us.  It was the beginning of two wars where thousands of our young men and women died, many more were wounded physically or emotionally or both.

 And on that first day of September, I lost a daughter, not to an act of terror against America, but to an act of terror in her own home.  Yes, 10 years have passed.  There have been weddings, divorces, a baby born, holidays, birthdays in our family, and about 12,000 deaths in this country due to domestic violence.
As we approach the end of September, we are getting ready for a very busy time at Fix the Hurt, a time for educating and raising awareness through trainings, speaking engagements and five performances of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" and five performances of CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE. 

We are grateful for the opportunity to address over 4,000 students in the East Valley of Arizona, the KAW Nation in Oklahoma and in Hobbs, NM.  We must continue to educate our young people about healthy relationships and the red flags they must watch for as they begin to select their friends and development boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

We hope that you with familiarize yourselves with our upcoming event dates and if you or someone you know are near one of the presentations we have scheduled, that you will join us and promote awareness against domestic and dating violence.

Arizona/New Mexico Girls' Conferences

The first week of February was a constant roadtrip, but a roadtrip that I would make every week, given the opportunity to interact with these fantastic young women and presenters in Mesa, Tucson, Yuma and Albuquerque. At the Mesa conference, on Feb 1st, John and I had the opportunity to present our play, CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE to students from Tempe and Scottsdale. Two days later we were off to Tucson and presented to a hall full of energetic young women. Then we were fortunate to present to Yuma girls.

The article below is a synopsis of the two articles that appeared in the Yuma Sun the next day. What the writer (Mara Knaub) didn't see was the fantastic performance of Amber Norgaard, performer, from Tucson who has been a part of this conference for three years. Amber is a talented singer, musician, writer and all around role model for young women.

Submitted by FTH Intern, Julie Sullivan. Material taken from article in the Yuma Sun writer Mara Knaub - February 5, 2011

"I want you to know how precious you are;you can be anything your heart desires. Don't let anyone tell you anything different about yourself. Understand your worth, because you are all of divine worth."

These were the words spoken by Fix the Hurt founder, Linda King, that rang out across an audience of several dozen teenage girls at the Arizona Girls Conference in Yuma on February the 4th, 2011. "Be smart. Be safe. Don't be fooled by someone who says they love you but all they want to do is hurt you . . . "

Whether or not each individual girl had been affected directly by the hands of domestic violence themselves, what could be certain that Friday at the Ramada Chilton Conference Center was a distinct and captivating sense of hope and knowledge that prevailed throughout the demonstration. Yuman Melanie K, a Las Vegas singer, as well as a former survivor of domestic violence abuse, gave her moving story of batter and hope to the girls. "The first time he hit me, it was in front of friends. It was humilitating. But his excuse was that he had been drinking and he would never do it again," she said to the audience, who was then treated to a performance of two songs which she wrote about domestic violence abuse.

The organizer of the event, Paul Henry Danylewich, (of Fearless White Tiger - Montreal, Canada) described the goal of the Arizona Girls' Conference was to "empower young women with resources, help them recognize the different forms of violence and how to escape from abusive relationships." Danylwewich also noted that each girl should take away from the conference a sense that it is never the victim that should be blamed for domestic violence, but the perpetrator themselves. To incorporate this message into the demonstration, role-playing and story-telling were the main components of the conference. Various members of the audience were engaged in demonstrations, as well as told stories by the survivors themselves, in an extremely moving (oftentimes heart-wrenching) fashion.

"It was fascinating. I learned a lot. Anybody can be a predator. I feel more aware now." said Denise Orozoo, 15, who was an attendee of the conference. Essentially, this was the ultimate goal of the conference. Not necessarily to involve drastic change, but to instill within each attendee awareness - the awareness of their relationsips, the relationships of their friends, or even the most casual of acquaintances.

Thank you, Julie.

A Breath of Fresh Air for Violent Relationship Protection

Sometimes I know we sound like a broken record. It seems especially so when we talk about raising funds for domestic violence and dating violence prevention. But there are those caring people that are willing to give just based on the belief that it is important for each of us to brighten our corner of the earth.

This is the attitude we continually find with our friends in El Paso, TX. Whether it is a donation to help defray the cost of putting a program together or taking a message to the masses, or working to be sure the message given is acted upon, there's always a group of angels standing ready to take hold of the line and pull the ox out of the mire.

We spent a few days in El Paso this week and now have the structure in place to go forward with our new play entitled, I Have This Friend, which is, of course, our dating violence awareness musical.

Hector Serrano, Drama Coordinator, with El Paso Community College has decided to make this his 2011 spring production and hopes to present it in high schools in the El Paso area.

The Center Against Family Violence plans to work with EPCC to get needed infrastructure in place in the schools to assist teen victims and their parents end this pandemic in our country's schools!

Hopefully, this will be a model for other schools in the country to follow and will save thousands of lives, prevent drug use and keep kids in school.

Thanks to all of you wonder, caring people that make this effort possible and hopefully prevent hundreds of teens escape the trap.

NCADV Conference

Just returned from an exciting week in Anaheim, CA while attending the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Conference at the Hilton Hotel. The staff from NCADV were very helpful and friendly.

My good friend, Jan Lobeck, author of Not In Vain, from Hobbs, NM, shared her Marketplace table with Fix the Hurt. Over 100 people stopped by our table with more than a passing interest and we were able to share our message.

Jan lost her daughter, Sheri, to domestic violence about 4 yrs ago and she and her husband are raising Sheri's son. We will be presenting Domestic Violence, The Musical? to benefit Sheri's Memorial Fund and to raise awareness in Hobbs.

John was able to attend with me and this was great since we were able to present Control.Assault.Delete on Tuesday as an add-on workshop. The response was very positive and we were able to tell this passionate story and reach lives.

I attended some really great workshops and plenaries. One of the best workshops was presented by Ada Alavarez from Washington, DC. Her workshop was on Dating Violence Prevention. One of the examples she gave was the importance of preaching prevention. She asked a really hard question, "If you are on the river bank alone and someone is on the cliff above the river throwing babies into the river, do you try to save the babies or do you go up on the cliff and stop the person committing the atrocities."

Attending this conference was a great opportunity to network, find out about new and innovative programs and see the passion that so many have to end domestic violence.

How Can I Help

We are well into 2010 and the statistics for domestic violence incidents continue to rise. Recently, I was especially disturbed by a "murder-suicide" in Amarillo, TX. A woman allegedly shot her husband, then killed herself. Reportedly there were bruises all over the woman's body. Bruises that led the police to believe that she had been brutally beaten. They had been married for 40 years. We have to wonder how many of those years she endured abuse and violence. There were no police records reflecting that incidents of violence had been reported. One would surmise that she had silently endured the pain. One of the songs in "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" is entitled Why Can't He Just Die. That is the sentiment of many victims. In this case, she decided to take measures into her own hands. Where were her friends, family, someone who would listen to and believe her? I am certainly not condoning her actions, but must wonder at what point she said, "This must end!" and so she ended it for them both.

If you know someone who is a victim, make a special effort to be available to them. Show support and LISTEN! Last week I spoke to a class at ASU. One young woman asked the question, "What should I say to my friend who just broke up with an abusive boyfriend? I'm so afraid she will go back to him." She wanted to know how to approach the subject. I told her to tell her about the class she had attended and the things she had learned about abuse, about the importance of recognizing the behaviors of an abuser, the dangers in staying in an unhealthy relationship. I advised her to tell her friend that she knew she would be going through a difficult time for a while and that she would be there for her and would help her find someone who could counsel her if she needed additional help.

We are looking forward to performing our new show, "Control.Assault.Delete" soon. This play is a must see for those seeking to understand the true frustration, discouragement and real danger of a violent relationship. Follow a typical young women as she enters college with high hopes and plans to fulfill her dreams and then meets her abuser who controls her life and ultimately ends all hopes of her ever achieving those dreams. This 55 minute presentation will touch your hearts as you see the things this young woman experiences in her quest to find happiness, save the man she believes loves her and finally as she frantically seeks to save her own life!

Linda