DIVO and More . . . .

Sunday afternoon I flew to El Paso to participate in a seminar on Monday. My good friend, Susan Hatch, picked me up at the hotel and we went to the El Paso Crime Victims' Memorial. It is an extremely well thought out, beautifully constructed memorial to victims of crime in El Paso County. These people really care . . . my heart was touched as I saw my daughter's name listed among others who represent thousands of friends and loved ones who have suffered the unexpected loss of those they care about. It doesn't go away -- the pain, I mean. Please don't use the word "closure" with me. Life goes on, you continue to get up every morning, you laugh, you make changes in your life, you help others along the way, you grow older, you love your grandchildren, you learn news skills, you forget where you are supposed to be sometimes, you have aches and pains, you get sick, you get well. But you never "close" the door on someone you loved, just because they die. Thank you, Susan, for caring enough to make sure I got to experience this moment.

Monday was remarkable, at least for me. I was given the opportunity to address a group of defense attorneys and others who attended the Defense-Initiated Victim Outreach Seminar. It was much more than I expected in many ways. Those involved in bringing this to the criminal justice system as an option for the defense side of the law, are truly an awesome group of people, Stephanie Frogge from Austin pulled everything together; Richard Burr is a soft-spoken, articulate man who truly believes in this process; John Niland, the Director of Capital Trial Project in Texas, cares about people, their feelings and the justice process; Dr. Pam Leonard has done much to further the Restorative Justice Project in Georgia (love her accent - she's more Southern than me); and Dr. Marilyn Armour is the Exec Dir of the Institute for Restorative Justice and she understands survivors and wants to make life better for all who suffer this loss - she really cares. It was a great experience for me - I stood toe-to-toe with someone I have wanted to address for some time and I held my ground . . . it was wonderful. "Mr. Gandara, if we ever meet in a social situation again, you may shake my hand, and say, 'Hello'. but never say bad things about my dead daughter to me again."

Today I met with Larry Winward, who introduced me to Michael Hughes, CEO of A New Leaf. What a great guy - very personable, well-informed about the non-profit world. He took a lot of time to advise on what steps to take and how to take Fix the Hurt to the next level of success as we strive to obtain funding, grow the organization and continue to educate, bring awareness and enlightenment to communities about domestic violence/abuse. Now to put that knowledge into action.

I also talked with some old friends (well, not really old) who still struggle with Lisa's death. They were friends and family. They agonize over what could have been done to save Lisa. I'm not sure in Lisa's case that there could have been a positive outcome. But it's good to look back and hopefully that helps us to look forward toward better lives for those that need our help.

Thanks for Opportunities

Today it was my pleasure to address the Mesa East Rotary Club. Just the fact that they were willing to have someone speak about domestic abuse was to their credit. This group was not only engaged, but anxious to assist in a suitable way. I hope we will work with them again. So many civic organizations are truly interested in improving the lives of people in our community - Rotary is a great example.

On Wednesday, I will speak to a group of about 60 advocates at the Family Resource Center in Phoenix. I love advocates - this is a difficult job - but much appreciated by victims. I will never forget the assistance I received from a wonderful advocate who became my friend.

Then, next Monday I go to El Paso to address a group of defense attorneys at a seminar sponsored by the University of Texas - Defense Initiated Victim Outreach (DIVO). I am pleased to not only speak, but to listen to highlighted speakers who will help defense attorneys learn ways to improve their relationship with the families of victims of homicide. This is truly a new concept. I will return with a report of what I learned. My friend, Bill Hicks, the prosecutor in Lisa's trial (and I say Lisa's trial because in her case she was the one the defense had on trial ) send me an email and he said,

"I think that the seminar leaders might have bitten off more than they can chew by asking you to speak to them. I encourage you to not hold back anything. Let them know that the actions of the defense attorneys throughout our trial were hurtful; and how they persisted in dragging Lisa’s past into the trial; and how they tried to make the murder case about Lisa. . . . . ."

I will do my best, Bill.

I feel very fortunate to take Lisa's story to so many who can make a difference - business men/women, advocates, defense attorneys - all in a matter of 7 days.

Prevention and Education

We continue to see the effects of the stress in our society on Domestic Violence.
In the past11 days here in Maricopa County, there have been 9 deaths due to domestic violence. Of the 9 cases two were children. How sad it is that a spouse will be abused by a partner, even sadder when a spouse dies from that abuse, but when it is an innocent child, it breaks your heart and reflects how messed up people can get in a relationship.


Police: Argument sparked fatal stabbing in Glendale


Domestic-violence reports up amid recession
Lynh Bui - May. 19, 2009 04:46 PM The Arizona Republic

Just an example of the dire need for prevention of Domestic Violence! These 9 people never got the chance to take advantage of a shelter that most funding groups say is the only thing they will fund. How blessed would have been the life of those 9, if they had had a good prevention program working in their neighborhood. Someone to help them put a safety plan into action, someone to support them in their escape, someone to help them recognize the danger, and someone to bolster their courage to get to safety. All of this takes training, awareness, commitment and that plan does not happen without someone willing to commit the funds to educate the community.


Youngtown murder suspect found hanged in roadway
by Phoebe Volk - Jun. 5, 2009 02:49 PM

The Arizona Republic

But alas, all of the funds, which have been limited or cut by our state government, went to food clothing, beds and roofs that will never help these people. It makes one ask, could “funeral costs” possibly be considered services by the funding agency?



Laurie Roberts :Enduring abuse can be a fatal mistake
On April 28, a Glendale judge dismissed misdemeanor charges against Michael Brian Miller, who had been accused of hitting his wife. Thirty two days later, she was dead.

We at Fix the Hurt, will not retreat in our effort to get funding institutions to recognize that shelters are not the front line prevention. Shelters are badly needed and always will be, but they are after the fact. The abuse has already occurred!


John Says: Don’t corner something that you know is meaner than you!

On an encouraging note:

The Commanding Officer of Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, Texas has the foresight to see the need for domestic violence education for his airmen. We received confirmation today that Sheppard AFB will sponsor "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" on October 16, 2009. I have been corresponding with Tricia Kennedy for several weeks now. She has been committed to bringing this education to the airmen, their families.


The Marine Air Station in Iwakuni Japan is working to bring DVTM to their soldiers and families in October.