My Children - the Cheerleaders

This time of the year always brings back to my mind the reality of Lisa's death. It was exactly 8 years ago today - August 23, 2001, that I last saw Lisa. We went to a mother-daughter evening at church. I can even remember what she was wearing, a red shirt and jeans. I spoke to her after that night, but that is the last time I hugged her while she was living and breathing. Lori's last conversation with her by phone was on Lori's birthday, August 22, when Lisa called to tell her "happy birthday". Lori said that while she was talking to Lisa that Sam pulled the cord out of the wall and broke the connection.

We began rehearsals for our new two-person play and feel we made some progress. I have read thru it several times and sat with John as he wrote and re-wrote, but when we did a read-thru, it was difficult to hold back the tears.

We are toying with some different titles for this play. Our first title, "Drifted Off to Sleep" was deemed to be "too passive" and I tend to agree. It sounds like a bedtime story and it is anything but that. Other suggestions have been, "Control, Alt, Delete" which I believe is very clever but sounds like a show about a computer geek. We know that "CONTROL" is the center of abuse, so that will be our focus as we decide on a title. Maybe, "Control, Abuse, Delete". Labels, titles, names are so important. Will keep you posted.

My Cheerleaders

Lori called last night to tell me about her experience with a young man in her neighborhood who is mentally challenged, he is known by everyone as Pancake, and is about 17 years old. According to her, "his parents just left him here in a home for mentally handicapped people and they never come to see him". Her concern about him and his feelings were sincere and touching. She downloaded some music on his MP3 player and when she took it to him, all the residents were gathered around and he announced, "you know who this is (speaking of Lori), she's a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader". Well, he is not far off, she truly is a cheerleader for the downtrodden and those that appear to be tossed aside. My other children are very compassionate as well. Lindsey and Lane will always stop to assist someone who needs their help. Lane was always bring someone home when he was a teenager, someone that had no place to live and needed a bed for a few days, weeks. Last Christmas, Lindsey was deeply concerned about a family that she feared would not have presents and went shopping for food and toys for that little family. She stepped up when her neighbor was being abused by her husband and she found the right person to help her and went with her to talk to an advocate. Lisa was sensitive to the needs of anyone that crossed her path, once I remember she was walking home from work and came across a man that was homeless. He fell and she got medical assistance for him and stayed with him until the ambulance took him away. My children may not be Cowboy cheerleaders, but they are certainly cheerleaders for those in need. I am their cheerleader.

Drifted Off to Sleep

Since I took a full time job again, I have had little time to really work much with Linda. What spare time I have had, has been spent writing a new play. We are calling it, “Drifted off to Sleep.” It is Lisa’s story with all of the heartache, disappointments and plain talk. We have been so blessed to be able to work with David Barker. He is our coach, friend, director and provides us with sage advice as we work through the story to be told. David is Theater Professor at the Herberger College of Theater at ASU and has been a fabulous resource to us in the writing and preparing of the story.

If you ever have an opportunity to see his one man play, entitled “Dodging Bullets”, DO NOT MISS THE CHANCE TO SEE IT. Linda went to see it and drug me back a week later. I didn’t want to go! I have never been so riveted to any show, as I was that one. What a story and what a performance!

With “Drifted Off to Sleep”, all parts will be played by Linda and me and we are excited to have the opportunity to tell the story. Hopefully, we can help others understand and be aware of the dangers of Domestic Violence. We want to make people aware of how to help victims of Domestic Violence get to safety..

More to come as we progress!

Linda and I were able to do a presentation at the Yuma Arizona Prison on Thursday. We always come away from those presentations feeling that we have really made a difference in individual's lives. They are always saddened by Lisa’s story and angered by the circumstances. In this session, one inmate was persistent in pursuing the question, “How can you really help the victim?”. Linda explained that, "There are men and women abusers, and for this example we are talking about Lisa, so we would be saying 'she'." With answers from the other inmates we fleshed out the reasons she doesn’t leave.
1) She doesn’t know how to get out
2) She is afraid
3) She doesn’t have the resources to get out.
4) She loves the abuser.

Then we explained how people could help her plan for getting out, by putting money aside for that purpose and giving it to a friend to hold. Make arrangements to have a place to stay for a short while. Have clothes stashed away from the house, so when she wanted to get out she had the resources.

We explained that by planning, getting a team together and having the resources the victim gains the courage to actually get out.

We could see the light come on and understand how all of the victim's resistance would dissolve with proper planning. It was fun to see them, one by one say, "Oh yeah she has her own plan and can go when the time is right.”

We hope to continue to have these experiences at the prisons.

John says: In the words of George Carlin “ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath."

Anticipating a busy fall

As the fall of the year draws nearer, we get a taste of how busy we are going to be, with performances of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?", speaking opportunities, trainings, volunteering, events, and travel.





There are many upcoming events that are very special - what am I saying, they are all special!! One in particular is the opportunity I have to travel back to Osceola County, Florida. I have been invited to be the keynote speaker for the Help Now of Osceola Domestic Violence Conference, Oct 6. I have many fond memories of living in Osceola County. We had some truly wonderful experiences as we raised our children there. It is where Lane and Lindsey were born, where Lori and Lisa spent almost their entire lives, from elementary school thru high school. We have some forever friends there that will always be dear to our hearts. But it is also where the nightmare began that would be the end of one of our children's death.



September 16th, we will be in El Paso, Texas at the Texas Victim Services Conference - "Tortilla Soup for the Soul". Some of my very favorite people will be attending, some new friends and some from the past. We will present the play with a whole new cast - a group of actors from Phoenix - talented singers, actors, dancers and musicians. Loren and this cast have been working tirelessly to add a little extra to an already almost perfect delivery of our message. We will be back in El Paso on Oct 9 for two performances at Ft. Bliss.


Osceola County where Lisa's journey began and El Paso, where her journey ended - within a month of each other.


Then it is on to other states and other countries.


My next blog will be in anticipation of FTH and Bravery Project's upcoming "Evening of the Arts".


We are working on two more plays - one a teen dating violence play/musical, entitled, "I Have This Friend" and the other one is a 2 person play, "Drifted Off To Sleep". We feel very fortunate to have a very talented director/performer working with us on the latter, David Barker. David recently wrote and played himself and numerous other characters in "Dodging Bullets". He is a professor at ASU, a mime and a fight choreographer, in addition to being a talented director. This play should be ready by the first of 2010. All we do is in an effort to raise awareness, educate and prevent domestic violence.

Watch for future blogs to highlight "Evening of the Arts" on November 9 in Mesa, an opportunity for you to be entertained, enlightened and further the mission of Fix the Hurt and Bravery Project.