A Breath of Fresh Air for Violent Relationship Protection

Sometimes I know we sound like a broken record. It seems especially so when we talk about raising funds for domestic violence and dating violence prevention. But there are those caring people that are willing to give just based on the belief that it is important for each of us to brighten our corner of the earth.

This is the attitude we continually find with our friends in El Paso, TX. Whether it is a donation to help defray the cost of putting a program together or taking a message to the masses, or working to be sure the message given is acted upon, there's always a group of angels standing ready to take hold of the line and pull the ox out of the mire.

We spent a few days in El Paso this week and now have the structure in place to go forward with our new play entitled, I Have This Friend, which is, of course, our dating violence awareness musical.

Hector Serrano, Drama Coordinator, with El Paso Community College has decided to make this his 2011 spring production and hopes to present it in high schools in the El Paso area.

The Center Against Family Violence plans to work with EPCC to get needed infrastructure in place in the schools to assist teen victims and their parents end this pandemic in our country's schools!

Hopefully, this will be a model for other schools in the country to follow and will save thousands of lives, prevent drug use and keep kids in school.

Thanks to all of you wonder, caring people that make this effort possible and hopefully prevent hundreds of teens escape the trap.

The Holidays and Domestic Violence

Stress runs high during the holidays, from October through January.

Family finances are stretched to purchase gifts and travel expenses to visit family.

Excessive alcohol is consumed during the holidays, which although it does not cause abuse, it is a contributing factor to the abuse.

Abusers take advantage of the holidays to exercise additional controls over visits to family members, finances and unrealistic expectations are placed on their victims.

As arguments occur, attempt to maintain a calm demeanor, especially until you can get to a safe place. Abusers frequently use the excuse that, "the holidays just got to me" or "I was just stressed over the holidays". Victims are trying to maintain a calm front for their family and friends, and therefore, do not call the police eventhough they are in danger. Abusers know this and take advantage of their victims. If you find yourself in an an abusive situation, no matter the season, get help.

"That is what I wanted to hear!"

A friend told me a story a few weeks ago about a relative of his who was a religious leader in a position to counsel members of his congregation. Unfortunately, the story rings so true as it relates to most violent relationships.

A man of the cloth was talking to a relative about domestic violence. He asked what to do when a women comes to you beaten and battered? How do you counsel her?

The reverend replies, "Well, I have three choices."

The friend says, "three choices, how can that be for a man of the cloth?"

The reverend says, "Well I can tell her a lie, I can tell her the truth, or I can tell her what she wants to hear."

The friend shakes his head in confusion.

The referend says, "Okay I will explain. A woman comes to me beaten and bruised and says, 'My husband gets drunk and beats me, what shall I do?'"

I tell her, "When he goes to sleep tonight get a kitchen knife and run it into his heart." Now that is the lie, although in some cases it might be the truly!"

A few weeks later, she comes to me again bruised and battered and says, "He got drunk and beat me again, what shall I do?"


I tell her, "Leave him, get away and make yourself safe." Now that is the truth!


A few more weeks go by and she comes back battered even worse and tells me, "He got drunk and beat me again, what shall I do?"


I tell her, "He is really a good man, just love him and be a better wife and stay with him!"


She says, "Reverend, that is what I wanted to hear."

Of course, this confirms what we already knew and what keeps the victim going back to a bad relationship. They don't know how to leave.


Eventhough it is discouraging as we work with family and friends in bad relationships, we must realize that we cannot make the decisions for the victim. We have no right to control that person. That is what the abuser is trying to do. We must keep trying to encourage and assist those loved ones in a way that lets them know that they will always have someone to turn to and that we won't be judgmental!


John says,


Did you ever notice that the Roman numeral for 40 is XL?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month - 2010

Another October, and another DVAM almost over. This has been an amazing month for Fix the Hurt. We have made some great new friends and met many incredible people. The cast, DJ, Danielle, Jori, Miciah, Kirby and Kate, and I just got back yesterday from Hobbs, NM, by way of Las Vegas and Lubbock (going) and Lubbock, Dallas, El Paso and Phx (return trip). Hobbs is a great little town with a huge heart.
I met Jan Lobeck (Sheri's Memorial Fund) last year at DVTMusical performance in El Paso for the Texas Victims of Crime Conference. She said at the time, "I want to bring DVTM to Hobbs." She meant it and nothing was going to stop her. Jan worked hard to raise the funds necessary, so that Domestic Violence, The Musical? could educate and raise awareness in Hobbs.
Jan's volunteers, Leticia, Gina, Janette, Shannon/Randy, Barb, Becky, Don, Ken and many others were all instrumental in making it possible for us to have a wonderful time. The cast stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast owned by Becky, Gina was our host for a delicious dinner, and Shannon and hubby, Randy and children were our chauffeurs. Janette shared her beautiful home with Jan and I.
From the time we arrived until we left Hobbs, we were treated like royalty. This is truly a great town with a lot of heart and even the Police Chief was on hand to promote DV awareness and it was obvious that domestic abuse is among his top priorities.
Friday night the audience was receptive and engaged as the cast did an outstanding job presenting the play. We were trilled and anxious now to return next year.
Thank you Jan and your Volunteers for making us feel welcome. We hope that next year we can do a NM/West TX tour.

Opportunities to Raise Awareness - DVAM

This has been an amazing first half of October - Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Though it has been a few weeks of constant performances, speaking engagements and opportunities to meet new and interesting people who share a common passion - ending domestic abuse, I have enjoyed every busy minute.
On October 6, John and I presented Control.Assault.Delete at Mesa Community College to a room of about 50-75 students/faculty members. The response was very rewarding and one young lady in particular stands out in my mind, when she cried on my shoulder, saying, "I was your daughter for 4 years." - meaning that she lived Lisa's life for a time, but she got out and now is moving forward to a good life. So many young men and women in the audience came forward to thank us and asked if they could give me a hug.
On October 12, Vickie Florschuetz, Bravery Project, and I spoke to a group of faculty from MCC Red Mountain Campus. Vickie spoke about the importance of raising awareness and the statistics that were reflective of DV on college campuses. I told Lisa's Story and many were moved to tears as I told of her journey through a 9-yr relationship.
We traveled to Yuma to AZ Western College for a performance of Control.Assault.Delete on October 16 in the AZW Theater. Our thanks to Racine Amos for making that possible.
October 18, John and I were at Ft. McDowell for C.A.D, sponsored by the City Prosecutor's Office, and we were met with a warm reception as we told our story through theater.
Lisa's Birthday, October 19 was celebrated at Azusa Pacific University in California. I spoke to 50+ young women that evening. The hugs and tears were freely shared and it was a truly rewarding experience. The Clothesline Project had been in progress for the preceding week and someone had made a T-shirt for Lisa - very sweet gesture and much appreciated.
As an added treat, my ASU Intern from last year, Whitney, drove from LA where she lives now to Azusa to spend the evening with me and the girls from APU. It was wonderful to see her and catch up on her life.
On October 21, we presented C.A.D at the Boy's and Girls Club facility in Apache Junction. This event was put together by Apache Junction Police Chief, Jerald Monahans. Our special thanks to Constance, who was attentive to all our needs. One young woman told me afterwards that she never really understood what she was putting her parents through when she was in a dangerous relationship until that evening.
Now we are looking forward to presenting Domestic Violence, The Musical? in Hobbs, NM on October 29, as a fundraising effort for Sheri's Memorial Fund. Jan Lobeck, Founder, has been working tirelessly with her volunteers and supporters to bring DVTM to the Hobbs community. We can hardly wait to be there.
So, as you can see, DVAM has been a busy time for Fix the Hurt. We love what we are doing and hope that in some small way we can make an impact to save lives and families. Until next month, be safe.

Marissa's Essay

Marissa is an intern with Gina's TEAM, the organization that pulled all the strings to allow Fix the Hurt to perform Control.Assault.Delete at Perryville Women's Prison on two different occasions. Without knowing it Marissa has written my blog post. Sue Ellen Allen, my fireball friend, who works tirelessly to bring hope and encouragement and education to the inmates at Perryville, send me this, Marissa's Essay.



"Finally, I was excited, I had gotten over my random kicks of nerves and had been looking forward to my prison visit the whole week. It's a strange thing when the highlight of your week is driving 45 minutes to the middle of nowhere and sitting in a sea of bright orange for a few hours, but at this point, I've accepted the fact that excitement in my world hasn't been aimed at anything 'normal' in a while.

"That night, all I knew was that Linda and John King were somehow involved in bringing a play about domestic violence to Perryville. I had no prior knowledge of the characters, the actors or the plot before I got into the van that evening. I started to learn more when we met the couple at Paradise Bakery for a little 'pre-prison' snack. There is no way I would have imagined that these two people radiating strength and genuine smiles had gone through so much. Not only was their daughter a victim of domestic violence, but several of their other children had been lost to chance traumatic experiences and the fact that they had kept going in light of all this made those smiles that muchmore incredible. There was no reason they had been singled out to go through so much pain, and it made me think about the low points in my own life. It makes you realize that those trivial moments were just that, trivial. An argument, a little mistake that you thought were the end of the world, were just little blips on the path to the person you are now. When you see the optimism in the Kings' eyes, after all life has thrown at them, you're given a perfect example of when things really do get that bad, there's always going to be a reason to wak up in the morning and something great to be thankful for in life. . . . . . . . .

As we pulled up to the prison, I tried to make out all the buildings and maybe remember some of the names . . . . . . . I watched the faces, and took in the general atmosphere of the cafeteria. And as far as I could see there was no difference between the people underneath the orange and those under the brown and those of us in bright pink and blues.. . . . . . I realized how hungry these women for anything with color, with words, with a connecion to anything outside the barbed wire . . .

I was a little unrecpetive in the beginning to the simplistic approach of the play, but over time it began to grow on me. I had blended into the audience . . . . to form one laughing, attentive bunch of people listening to the story unfold. We were one single unit in my mind until the Kings' started playing out the story once the physical violence happened. All of these women knew this part of the story inside and out and in each, 'Aw hell no" and F bomb dropped, I could hear them relating their life back to this girl's story whom they had never met or heard about until that night. Later during the discussion/question portion, one woman actually stood up and said that seeing this play touched her more than her own story, because she was never able to step back from her situation and see all the details played out like the King's had done. . . .

The slow realization that the person behind the black and teal was in a different place in life than those seated next to me was when the biggest impact of the play came. . . . . . .



There is more, and if you would like to read the entire essay, just let me know. Marissa has given me a gift on three sheets of paper with 1,600 words. Thank you, Marissa and Sue Ellen.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Another year, another october and another busy time for members of the domestic violence awareness movement.

September and October have brought me to some new places, new friends and amazing opportunities. One of the most exciting was the opportunity to again perform CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE at Perryville Women's Prison on Sept 23. The audience again was enthusiastic and made us feel that we had brought them something that they could relate to, learn from and share with one another. Deputy Warden Neese was gracious and we were pleased to be a part of that evening. Many thanks to Gina's Team and Sue Ellen Allen for making this possible.

The following day, Sue Ellen and I went to the Mingus Mountain Girls' School, near Prescott, AZ. It was amazing to meet the young women, hear their stories and share mine with them. The things they have suffered broke my heart. Some will go on to do great things and unfortunately there will be those that fall back into the trap that sent them to that school. Hopefully, the work of Gina's Team to bring speakers and new friends to them will help to give them confidence and the desire to walk a different path.

Earlier in the month of September, I spoke to Dr. Durfee's classes at ASU. As a result, I have a new intern YEAH!!!! She is so terrific. Jade is in her last year though, so I won't have her for long.

On Thursday, I did a training at Ft. McDowell Reservation at the request of the City Prosecutor's Office, then early, early Fri morning it was off to Luke Air Force Base for a breakfast/speaking engagement to kick off DV Awareness Month.

Following the breakfast, I presented to the Supreme Court Commission on Crime Victims. Friday night was the book launch for Sue Ellen's book, "The Slumber Party from Hell". It was great and she is a wonderful example of taking a terrible experience and using it to give hope to others.

On Wednesday, we will perform C.A.D at Mesa Community College. We are very excited for that performance.

I am excited that Vickie Florschuetz has spruced up the http://www.helpfixthehurt.org/ website. She made some amazing changes.

Lisa's birthday is October 19. Appropriate that I will be speaking to students at Azusa Pacific University on that day.

We are looking forward to performances at various locations in the Valley and in Yuma and then "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" in Hobbs the end of the month. Can't wait to see my friend Jan again.

Lisa Anne King - Angel Anniversary

While looking through some of our old photos, I thought because of the anniversary of Lisa's death, it would be appropriate to remember her by posting some of her pictures and remembering those really good times of her life. These are a combination of baby pics and school pics. Hope you enjoy them as much as we have. Many of you knew her at different stages of her life, some as a toddler, with a big smile, some at an awkward pre-adolescence age, and then when she began to blossom and grow into the lovely young woman that she became.

Her life was cut too short and we miss her, but like to remember the good times and the happy times of her life.

NCADV Conference

Just returned from an exciting week in Anaheim, CA while attending the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Conference at the Hilton Hotel. The staff from NCADV were very helpful and friendly.

My good friend, Jan Lobeck, author of Not In Vain, from Hobbs, NM, shared her Marketplace table with Fix the Hurt. Over 100 people stopped by our table with more than a passing interest and we were able to share our message.

Jan lost her daughter, Sheri, to domestic violence about 4 yrs ago and she and her husband are raising Sheri's son. We will be presenting Domestic Violence, The Musical? to benefit Sheri's Memorial Fund and to raise awareness in Hobbs.

John was able to attend with me and this was great since we were able to present Control.Assault.Delete on Tuesday as an add-on workshop. The response was very positive and we were able to tell this passionate story and reach lives.

I attended some really great workshops and plenaries. One of the best workshops was presented by Ada Alavarez from Washington, DC. Her workshop was on Dating Violence Prevention. One of the examples she gave was the importance of preaching prevention. She asked a really hard question, "If you are on the river bank alone and someone is on the cliff above the river throwing babies into the river, do you try to save the babies or do you go up on the cliff and stop the person committing the atrocities."

Attending this conference was a great opportunity to network, find out about new and innovative programs and see the passion that so many have to end domestic violence.

A Trip to El Paso - Nice Break in the Routine

A trip to El Paso, Texas this past week was a good break from the routine. Linda and I were pleased to present Control.Assault.Delete to Leadership El Paso and to a number of other interested paties in a separate venue. Two shows in one day is a really exciting opportunity. I fear the hype of telling the domestic violence story to bring awareness to audiences could become addictive!

We were further blessed to spend time in the home of dear friends in El Paso and that enriched the experience. We continue to be amazed by the reaction of the people in this community. Unlike so many they are alive and vibrant and want to brighten their corner of the world. The reception to the message we presented was overwhelming. Tears flowed and one of the most asked questions is, "Having lost a daughter to domestic violence yourselves, why do you put yourselves through this?" The answer Linda gives is, "I don't want any other parents to have to go through the loss of a child."

We are pleased to have this new play in the Fix the Hurt repertoire and plan to build it to even greater and more powerful pieces At the time of this writing, a new play is being written and we hope to roll it out this fall. The title is "I Have This Friend", and we hope to deliver a dating violence message to teens and their parents through the high schools.

Another issue that creates a huge challenge in preventing domestic violence has recently raised its ugly head. Linda is a member of the Victim's Assistance Program for the City of Mesa, Arizona (VAP's). Recently, she was on a death call and while waiting for the medical examiner to arrive she asked the officers why they seldom called the VAP's on Domestic Violence calls. They responded, "because it is just a revolving door! We arrest one this time and the other the next and no matter who who we arrest the victim always goes back!"

She explained that the VAP's are trained to help the victim not have to go back. They agreed they had not thought of that aspect. Still, the calloused attitude remains because of the number of cases the police handle and the number of times the victim turns on the police.

We are looking for grant money to put together a play that will reach the police officers and enlighten them in the many ways DV can be stopped and prevented.

John

John says, "Don't corner something that you know is meaner than you!"

A Trip to Prison

On Thursday, June 24th, we had our debut of Control.Assault.Delete before a real audience. Linda, David Barker and I jumped into the car, turned the air conditioning to max in the sweltering 108 deg. Phoenix summer heat and started our trek to the Perryville Arizona Women's Prison facility. Along the way we met up with the awesome folks from GINA'S Team and continued our trip.

Upon reaching the compound, we saw the 150 inmates lining up to get into the building where the play was to be presented. All had on orange suits and even in the afternoon heat seemed in good spirits.

Things were a little hectic and we had little time to settle in before we started the program. This was our 7th domestic violence presentation to inmates in the Arizona Prison System and all 7 have been among the most satisfying of all the presentations Fix the Hurt makes. The play is about 55 minutes long, which gives Linda and I both plenty of lines to forget. From start to finish, these women were ompletely engrossed in the story. I am not sure how many had never seen a live play, but there were some. Tears flowed and smiles and laughter rang out at the appropriate times. They were gracious with their emotional outcries, tears streamed down cheeks as the story unraveled. We were given an immediate standing ovation at the end.

The over half hour question and answer session, reflected some insightful and emotional responses to lines in the play. One part of the play deals with the birth of the victim in the play. Linda uses a rolled piece of cloth with a portion of it draped over her shoulder to simulate the breast feeding of the newborn and talks about the emptiness being filled during the process. The line is, "in a few minutes the emptiness in her belly was gone and she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

One young inmate commented that this was significant to many of them because it was like the feeling they experienced with drug usage. We were gratified by the comments of the Assistant Warden, who stated to Sue Ellen Allen with GINA's Team, "I had many positive comments from the inmates following the event. I enjoyed this play and especially the fact that they touch on many areas that the women could relate to. John and Linda did an awesome performance and we appreciate their time and talents. I would love a repeat performance sometime in the future."

It is our hope that we can make presentations weekly to audiences inside the various state prison systems and outside prison systems to raise awareness of domestic violence and help prevent beatings, misery and death resulting from this blight.

Happy Mother's Day - "Splat, bam blat"

While many of the most dear people in our lives are, hopefully, being honored and pampered today, there are many that are being severely beaten. Mothers Day is not the issue with them, but survival is. To use an old, worn and too often quoted statistic, one in three women/mothers in our country will be blatantly abused today! That number may be low since the economy has continued to worsen since most of those surveys were taken.

Most practitioners in the dv arena will reject the theory that economic factors are the cause of a victim being abused, however, most will readily admit that worsening economic status in a family where abuse occurs is a factor in the escalation of abuse.

With today's severe economic conditions in many families, we have reports of a strange phenominon. Many battered women shelters in the Phoenix area are reporting a reduction in victims coming to the shelters. Some months ago, these shelters were reporting being forced to turn away up to 50% of the applicants to shelters. Today some are reporting that up to 50% of their beds are vacant.

We have researched the issues and it is this author's opinion that the incidents of violence have increased, not diminished, but the economy has caused victims, especially women, to just stay where they are and take the beatings. Everything in the home where domestic violence exists worsens when an economic downturn occurs. If the batterer loses his job, the amount of time he spends at home increases and can become almost constant. The friction that already exists dramatically increases as they are thrown together almost constantly. In the event the victim has not given up hope of escaping the relationship and the opportunity to get away is dramatically reduced.

This saddens us here at Fix the Hurt, and causes us resolve to work even harder to help fix the hurt. Our new play, Control.Assault.Delete, is ready to go on the road, heavy efforts are being made to get "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" in front of more people. We have embarked on the writing of I Have This Friend, dating violence musical and are working with David Barker to get his great one-man domestic violence play, Dodging Bullets, in front of more audiences.



John sayd, "A penny saved is a government oversight."

Control.Assault.Delete

FIx the Hurt is pleased to announce a new and powerful play entitled, "Control.Assault.Delete", a dating and domestic violence primer.

The goal of this two person play is to:

1. Point out common mistakes made by parents and friends in their frustrated attempts to help the victim escape the abuse;

2. Bring to light common tactics used by abusers to trap victims into a rigidly controlled relationship, and

3. Point out to abusers the pain and misery they bring to the lives of others through their actions.

The play is written by John and Linda King and directed by the very talented, David Barker, the author of "Dodging Bullets", a professor of theater at Arizona State University, with years of theatrical experience. David brings an exciting and innovative approach to the presentation.

The Kings walk you through the frustrations of the parents of a victim, the ilemma of the victim, as well as the vicious actions of her abuser in this presentation. The common thread throughout the saga is the difficulty in helpig the victim escape and making the abuser accept responsibility for his actions. You will see and you will hear excerpts from real life tragedies presented by two very dedicated parents, directed by a very talented professional.

Because one in about three women are involved in a violent relationship and one in four teens experience dating violence, we at Fix the Hurt are committed to helping end domestic and dating violence. Statistics show that teen dating violence flows over into domestic violence.

Control.Assault.Delete takes you through the life of the parents of a young women who fell into a violent dating situation, and over the next 9 years went from trying to make it out to TRYING TO GET OUT ALIVE.

John and Linda want to be sure that no parents ever have to experience the heartbreak of losing a child to violence. You are invited to be entertained and enlightened during the presentation and hope all will stay after the show and participate in the open forum roundtable.

Contact Linda to reserve a date for this show for your area as a training and/or fundraising event.

How Can I Help

We are well into 2010 and the statistics for domestic violence incidents continue to rise. Recently, I was especially disturbed by a "murder-suicide" in Amarillo, TX. A woman allegedly shot her husband, then killed herself. Reportedly there were bruises all over the woman's body. Bruises that led the police to believe that she had been brutally beaten. They had been married for 40 years. We have to wonder how many of those years she endured abuse and violence. There were no police records reflecting that incidents of violence had been reported. One would surmise that she had silently endured the pain. One of the songs in "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" is entitled Why Can't He Just Die. That is the sentiment of many victims. In this case, she decided to take measures into her own hands. Where were her friends, family, someone who would listen to and believe her? I am certainly not condoning her actions, but must wonder at what point she said, "This must end!" and so she ended it for them both.

If you know someone who is a victim, make a special effort to be available to them. Show support and LISTEN! Last week I spoke to a class at ASU. One young woman asked the question, "What should I say to my friend who just broke up with an abusive boyfriend? I'm so afraid she will go back to him." She wanted to know how to approach the subject. I told her to tell her about the class she had attended and the things she had learned about abuse, about the importance of recognizing the behaviors of an abuser, the dangers in staying in an unhealthy relationship. I advised her to tell her friend that she knew she would be going through a difficult time for a while and that she would be there for her and would help her find someone who could counsel her if she needed additional help.

We are looking forward to performing our new show, "Control.Assault.Delete" soon. This play is a must see for those seeking to understand the true frustration, discouragement and real danger of a violent relationship. Follow a typical young women as she enters college with high hopes and plans to fulfill her dreams and then meets her abuser who controls her life and ultimately ends all hopes of her ever achieving those dreams. This 55 minute presentation will touch your hearts as you see the things this young woman experiences in her quest to find happiness, save the man she believes loves her and finally as she frantically seeks to save her own life!

Linda

Spring is Here

Our first performance of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" was yesterday, sponsored by Hands of a Friend - Genesis Shelter and DaZee's, in Green Valley, AZ, http://www.dazeesonline.com/. It was held at the Desert Diamond Casino. We had a wonderful time and met some incredible people. Patti O'Berry is the Executive Director of Hands of a Friend and was delightful to work with.

This was also the first performance of our new cast members, Kirby Soderberg and Kate Haas. They joined our veteran actors, Jori Dodge, D.J. Douglass, Danielle Wetzell and music director, Miciah Dodge. For the past 6 weeks the cast has been working under Director, David Barker. No changes to the script, but the presentation is new and exciting.

I have some clips of a couple of the songs on youtube. If you want, you can search fixthehurt1 and see Control, Documentation and Why Can't He Just Die. I taped them at a rehearsal, so the backdrop is a studio at ASU and the background laughter is Director Dave.

We will be performing "Control" for Take Back The Night at ASU on April 7. This will be my 8th Take Back The Night - 3 at UTEP and 3 at ASU and 2 at ASU Polytech. This is always an uplifting.

We are continuing rehearsals for Control.Assault.Delete, nearing completion, and should be ready for performances in May. I Have This Friend, the teen dating violence play, is still in progress, but getting closer to a finished script.

As we approach April and Crime Victim's Rights week, our calendar is filling with speaking engagements and opportunities to recognize all those who have been victims of crime.

Teen Dating Violence

I have had an amazing two weeks, first with the White Tiger Girls Conferences in Phoenix, Mesa and Tucson and then, Stop Violence Against Women Day at the Capitol and ending with the opportunity to present Lisa's Story to 5 classes of teens at La Joya High School in Tolleson.

More and more it becomes aware that teens want to talk about the experiences they are having personally and what they see going on around them with their friends and family members. We must reach them at the pre-high school and high school level so that they have the tools they need not only during their dating years, but in making good sound relationship decisions as they mature. It is obvious that many do not have positive role models at home and they obviously are not going to get correct information through the media and their music.

We continue to press forward with "Control.Assault.Delete", anticipating a finished product by first of April. Rehearsals begin today for the cast of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" and will be exciting to see what the new actors and director bring to an already "great" show.

February - Dating Violence Awareness Month

Much attention is being called to the fact that February is Dating Violence Awareness Month. This, in and of itself, is huge, considering that just a few years ago, the fact that dating violence existed was not even acknowledged in society. It was just considered someone being jealous or having a bad temper.

February 8, 9 and 12, I will participate with Paul Henry and White Tiger Girls Conferences in Phoenix, Mesa and Tucson. Last year was my first time to speak at this annual event and I enjoyed my interaction with the girls very much. After the conference, I received heart-felt letters from girls who had been or knew someone in an unhealthy relationship. One of the letters read as follows:

"For me, the worst part of being in an abusive relationship was that until it got violent I didn't consider it abusive. . . . . . he was an angry, bitter, power hungry man that tried to control everything I said or did. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. You get to the point where you are unable to cry anymore, anger replaces sadness and fear is the only dominent emotion."

Letters like this one are the reason that we are engaged in the writing and production of our teen dating violence play, "I Have This Friend". I have read some of the early drafts, and I am very pleased with the progress and the direction that Ross Collins and Miciah Dodge are taking with this much anticipated project.

This morning we had our first 2010 production meeting of the cast of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" I'm very excited and looking forward to working with this great group of talented actors.

January 2010 - Wow!!

So much happening, so many new and exciting people have come into our lives. First and foremost is our new website - http://www.fixthehurt.org/. Designed by Vickie Florschuetz, this website is beyond my expectations. Vickie has taken everything thrown at her and put it into a professional website that is easy to navigate and filled with information about our performances and our speaking events. I love all the pics she has included and the ease with which viewers can locate the things that are important to them. Thanks Vickie.

We took a few weeks off from rehearsals for Control.Assault.Delete, as Director Dave was busy with A Christmas Carol (which was fabulous). That doesn't mean that John and I weren't trying to memorize lines like crazy.

I have had some amazing opportunities to talk to remarkable women, women who have turned their lives around and gotten out of relationships that were not healthy and leading them down a dangerous path.

As always, it's exciting to anticipate what a new year brings. 2010 is undoubtedly going to have it's share of hills and valleys, but every experience brings opportunities. I found a card that Lisa had kept in a holder on her kitchen cabinet for years - it read "The rest of your life depends on what you do at any one moment.

Looks like I will have the opportunity to speak to a group of women at Perryville Prison. Perhaps we will even have a dress rehearsal there for Control.Assault.Delete. Also, looking forward to Stop Violence Against Women day at the State Capitol.

2010 is going to be a great year.