Marissa's Essay

Marissa is an intern with Gina's TEAM, the organization that pulled all the strings to allow Fix the Hurt to perform Control.Assault.Delete at Perryville Women's Prison on two different occasions. Without knowing it Marissa has written my blog post. Sue Ellen Allen, my fireball friend, who works tirelessly to bring hope and encouragement and education to the inmates at Perryville, send me this, Marissa's Essay.



"Finally, I was excited, I had gotten over my random kicks of nerves and had been looking forward to my prison visit the whole week. It's a strange thing when the highlight of your week is driving 45 minutes to the middle of nowhere and sitting in a sea of bright orange for a few hours, but at this point, I've accepted the fact that excitement in my world hasn't been aimed at anything 'normal' in a while.

"That night, all I knew was that Linda and John King were somehow involved in bringing a play about domestic violence to Perryville. I had no prior knowledge of the characters, the actors or the plot before I got into the van that evening. I started to learn more when we met the couple at Paradise Bakery for a little 'pre-prison' snack. There is no way I would have imagined that these two people radiating strength and genuine smiles had gone through so much. Not only was their daughter a victim of domestic violence, but several of their other children had been lost to chance traumatic experiences and the fact that they had kept going in light of all this made those smiles that muchmore incredible. There was no reason they had been singled out to go through so much pain, and it made me think about the low points in my own life. It makes you realize that those trivial moments were just that, trivial. An argument, a little mistake that you thought were the end of the world, were just little blips on the path to the person you are now. When you see the optimism in the Kings' eyes, after all life has thrown at them, you're given a perfect example of when things really do get that bad, there's always going to be a reason to wak up in the morning and something great to be thankful for in life. . . . . . . . .

As we pulled up to the prison, I tried to make out all the buildings and maybe remember some of the names . . . . . . . I watched the faces, and took in the general atmosphere of the cafeteria. And as far as I could see there was no difference between the people underneath the orange and those under the brown and those of us in bright pink and blues.. . . . . . I realized how hungry these women for anything with color, with words, with a connecion to anything outside the barbed wire . . .

I was a little unrecpetive in the beginning to the simplistic approach of the play, but over time it began to grow on me. I had blended into the audience . . . . to form one laughing, attentive bunch of people listening to the story unfold. We were one single unit in my mind until the Kings' started playing out the story once the physical violence happened. All of these women knew this part of the story inside and out and in each, 'Aw hell no" and F bomb dropped, I could hear them relating their life back to this girl's story whom they had never met or heard about until that night. Later during the discussion/question portion, one woman actually stood up and said that seeing this play touched her more than her own story, because she was never able to step back from her situation and see all the details played out like the King's had done. . . .

The slow realization that the person behind the black and teal was in a different place in life than those seated next to me was when the biggest impact of the play came. . . . . . .



There is more, and if you would like to read the entire essay, just let me know. Marissa has given me a gift on three sheets of paper with 1,600 words. Thank you, Marissa and Sue Ellen.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Another year, another october and another busy time for members of the domestic violence awareness movement.

September and October have brought me to some new places, new friends and amazing opportunities. One of the most exciting was the opportunity to again perform CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE at Perryville Women's Prison on Sept 23. The audience again was enthusiastic and made us feel that we had brought them something that they could relate to, learn from and share with one another. Deputy Warden Neese was gracious and we were pleased to be a part of that evening. Many thanks to Gina's Team and Sue Ellen Allen for making this possible.

The following day, Sue Ellen and I went to the Mingus Mountain Girls' School, near Prescott, AZ. It was amazing to meet the young women, hear their stories and share mine with them. The things they have suffered broke my heart. Some will go on to do great things and unfortunately there will be those that fall back into the trap that sent them to that school. Hopefully, the work of Gina's Team to bring speakers and new friends to them will help to give them confidence and the desire to walk a different path.

Earlier in the month of September, I spoke to Dr. Durfee's classes at ASU. As a result, I have a new intern YEAH!!!! She is so terrific. Jade is in her last year though, so I won't have her for long.

On Thursday, I did a training at Ft. McDowell Reservation at the request of the City Prosecutor's Office, then early, early Fri morning it was off to Luke Air Force Base for a breakfast/speaking engagement to kick off DV Awareness Month.

Following the breakfast, I presented to the Supreme Court Commission on Crime Victims. Friday night was the book launch for Sue Ellen's book, "The Slumber Party from Hell". It was great and she is a wonderful example of taking a terrible experience and using it to give hope to others.

On Wednesday, we will perform C.A.D at Mesa Community College. We are very excited for that performance.

I am excited that Vickie Florschuetz has spruced up the http://www.helpfixthehurt.org/ website. She made some amazing changes.

Lisa's birthday is October 19. Appropriate that I will be speaking to students at Azusa Pacific University on that day.

We are looking forward to performances at various locations in the Valley and in Yuma and then "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" in Hobbs the end of the month. Can't wait to see my friend Jan again.

A Trip to El Paso - Nice Break in the Routine

A trip to El Paso, Texas this past week was a good break from the routine. Linda and I were pleased to present Control.Assault.Delete to Leadership El Paso and to a number of other interested paties in a separate venue. Two shows in one day is a really exciting opportunity. I fear the hype of telling the domestic violence story to bring awareness to audiences could become addictive!

We were further blessed to spend time in the home of dear friends in El Paso and that enriched the experience. We continue to be amazed by the reaction of the people in this community. Unlike so many they are alive and vibrant and want to brighten their corner of the world. The reception to the message we presented was overwhelming. Tears flowed and one of the most asked questions is, "Having lost a daughter to domestic violence yourselves, why do you put yourselves through this?" The answer Linda gives is, "I don't want any other parents to have to go through the loss of a child."

We are pleased to have this new play in the Fix the Hurt repertoire and plan to build it to even greater and more powerful pieces At the time of this writing, a new play is being written and we hope to roll it out this fall. The title is "I Have This Friend", and we hope to deliver a dating violence message to teens and their parents through the high schools.

Another issue that creates a huge challenge in preventing domestic violence has recently raised its ugly head. Linda is a member of the Victim's Assistance Program for the City of Mesa, Arizona (VAP's). Recently, she was on a death call and while waiting for the medical examiner to arrive she asked the officers why they seldom called the VAP's on Domestic Violence calls. They responded, "because it is just a revolving door! We arrest one this time and the other the next and no matter who who we arrest the victim always goes back!"

She explained that the VAP's are trained to help the victim not have to go back. They agreed they had not thought of that aspect. Still, the calloused attitude remains because of the number of cases the police handle and the number of times the victim turns on the police.

We are looking for grant money to put together a play that will reach the police officers and enlighten them in the many ways DV can be stopped and prevented.

John

John says, "Don't corner something that you know is meaner than you!"

DV Awareness???? No Clear Bell???

Well, it is almost October again and everyone is getting hyped about Domestic Violence prevention activities. These are dedicated, well-intentioned people, intent on helping victims avoid and escape abusive relationships, stopping the growth of abuse and making the public aware of how they can help.

When it is over and you look around, you see that things seem to settle back into the same old routine! People go about their business and often they hear nothing more until next year

I have the image of this huge bell busily swinging back and forth all year long and people watching it and admiring the bell. But, in my mind I see people looking and walking away or not even looking up. Closer inspection reveals there is no clangor in the bell. It swings daily and never issues a sound.

How do we put a clangor in the bell, so its peal will be ever present in our communities?

That is the Fix the Hurt Dream! We are working to bring the wonderful message that Domestic Violence, the Musical? delivers, and developing other performing arts programs that will appeal to agencies and groups across the nation.

Our upcoming performances include 11 performances in October and 1 in November of this year. You can check the website at http://www.fixthehurtpag.org/.

Soon you will see changes in our website, the two, http://www.fixthehurtpag.org/ and http://www.fixthehurt.org/, will join into one and be more powerful than ever.

John Says ---Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved

Chris Brown . . . . . . Rihanna

Today I received an email from D in VA who expressed concern about her daughter. Her fear is that her daughter might be married to an abuser. She wrote to me because I had commented on a blog regarding the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. She asked for information on signs and indicators of an abusive man.

I gave her some advice about what to do as a mother - listen, listen and believe. I wrote her a lengthy email, talking about myths and realities, signs and red flags and some advice that I learned from sad experience. Don't demean your daughter's husband, as she will become defensive and stop talking to you, her mother. Keep those lines open and never make her choose between you and him. I sincerely hope that her daughter is in a safe place.

As awful as this high profile situation is, perhaps the attention Chris Brown and Rihanna (and I don't even like to connect them with "and") will help start dialogues between victims and their friends and families. Talking about domestic abuse is the only way it can be brought into the daylight and out of the dark corners where it has been hidden for so many, many years.

There has been some talk about changing Domestic Violence Awareness month from October to May. My initial reaction was, "yes, maybe it should not have to compete with other worthwhile causes like Breast Cancer Awareness", but as I look at the beginning of each year, we have January which is Stalking Awareness, Teen Dating Violence Awareness(Feb), Sexual Assault Awareness(Apr), Crime Victim's Rights Month(Apr) and if we then put May as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, that makes all of the emphasis on violence against women in the first half of the year - obviously, my feeling is that we should be aware of victims of these crimes every month. The fact that my Lisa's birthday is in October, is another reason for me to want October to be DV Awareness Month. But I am only one mommy.

And on another thought, an agency might get a sponsor for Sexual Assault event, i.e., Take Back the Night in Apr, but try getting that same sponsor to fund a DV event the very next month - they would be much more likely to sponsor another similar-cause event 6 months later. In a perfect world those of us in the business of trying to help and assist victims and prevent abuse would not have to focus on raising $$, but this is not a perfect world and it takes the support of those in the community to keep our message in the forefront. Just something to ponder.

John says, "Good judgment comes from bad experiences, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."