Valley family takes domestic violence center stage in honor of daughter

Valley family takes domestic violence center stage in honor of daughter

News from Fort Huachuca Army Intelligence Center including stories and updates from The Fort Huachuca Scout published by Aerotech News and Review

News from Fort Huachuca Army Intelligence Center including stories and updates from The Fort Huachuca Scout published by Aerotech News and Review

September - A Month of Remembering

It seems as though September is a month of remembance.  Of course, we all remember 9/11/2001 as the day that America changed.  Families lost friends and loved ones.  It became more difficult to get on an airplane.  Our country's sensitivity heightened about where we were and who was around us.  It was the beginning of two wars where thousands of our young men and women died, many more were wounded physically or emotionally or both.

 And on that first day of September, I lost a daughter, not to an act of terror against America, but to an act of terror in her own home.  Yes, 10 years have passed.  There have been weddings, divorces, a baby born, holidays, birthdays in our family, and about 12,000 deaths in this country due to domestic violence.
As we approach the end of September, we are getting ready for a very busy time at Fix the Hurt, a time for educating and raising awareness through trainings, speaking engagements and five performances of "Domestic Violence, The Musical?" and five performances of CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE. 

We are grateful for the opportunity to address over 4,000 students in the East Valley of Arizona, the KAW Nation in Oklahoma and in Hobbs, NM.  We must continue to educate our young people about healthy relationships and the red flags they must watch for as they begin to select their friends and development boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

We hope that you with familiarize yourselves with our upcoming event dates and if you or someone you know are near one of the presentations we have scheduled, that you will join us and promote awareness against domestic and dating violence.

Written by Steve Culp for FTH

I met Steve during a blogathon sponsored by Joanna Doane - who was an intern for FTH last year and just an awesome young woman whose heart is 6 ft tall, eventhough her body is about 4'9". She blogged for 24 hours, raising much needed funds for Fix the Hurt, and I joined in for several and met some amazing ppl. Steve is one of them. He called to interview me for a paper he was writing for college credit. This is it. I think he did a great job.
Fix the Hurt by Steve Culp
A growing problem in the United States is domestic violence. Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern or behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Many people are victims of domestic violence and many people are unaware. Who are the victims of domestic violence? “Domestic abuse victims are doctors and lawyers and movie actors. They may be beautiful and have wonderful educations. They have only a few things in common - their fear and shame and their futile hope for change. You know them. They are your neighbors. They are the people you see on your walk. They may be you. They may be your child.”
Linda King and her husband John are a married couple who are very aware of domestic violence and the most horrible outcome domestic violence can have. Linda King lost her daughter Lisa to domestic violence. “She died from blunt force trauma to the head - six blows and cocaine intoxication by ingestion - administered orally,” Linda states, as her fingers press down the buttons on her keyboard as she is typing.
“Sam was the only one in the apartment with her.” Sam was Lisa's husband, whom she had been divorced from for 3 years. “She died sometime around midnight and he didn't report it until 2:00 pm the next day.” What kind of judgment was served for a crime like this? “He was charged with murder, but convicted of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and got 10 yrs. He gets out in November this year. He served all 10 yrs, no parole. He is in the Texas prison system.” Did Linda feel that the ten year sentence was an adequate judgment? “I was disappointed in the sentence, but it is what it is and I would rather be Lisa's mother than his. I fear he will do it again.” she says “This was not his first offense. He had an agg [aggravated] assault in FL [Florida] several yrs ago. He spent two years in prison. Lisa thought she could "save him" and she went down a bad path with him.” says Linda, now explaining that she is typing quickly and there may be a chance for grammatical errors.
This situation must be hard for anyone, especially parents who are already involved in trying to help spread the word of domestic violence. “After Lisa's death I knew how she would want her hair and make-up so I dressed her body for her funeral. I tried to cover the bruises on her eye and cheek along with the bruise and cut on her lip. I dressed her so that the long sleeves on her dress would cover up the bruises on her arms. Some say purple is the color of healing, but to me it is the color of pain. I tell everyone I speak to that if they are the victim of a hit or feel that they want to hit, purple is the color they will see. The internal bruises/emotional, bruise the heart and soul and often are harder to heal than the bruises on the outside.” These are some very strong words from such a strong woman.
What steps did Linda take to spread the word of domestic violence? “I started speaking mainly to high school groups in 1999, even before Lisa died, because I thought she was out of the relationship and in a good place. She and I both volunteered at a dv [domestic violence] shelter in El Paso.” And after the death of Lisa, Linda took even more steps “We moved to AZ in 2005 and I decided that in order to break into the dv community here that I should form a non-profit. I went back to El Paso and did the interview of the DA, police chief, officer and advocate to try to give myself some credibility for my work in AZ. “
The non-profit Linda speaks about is called “Fix the Hurt” which is a non-profit organization that helps inform others about domestic violence , the outcome, and also offers several types of help to victims of domestic violence. The corporation and the people who run it, along with the volunteers, run different types of fund-raising events to help them spread the word. They even go to schools and prisons to speak and do different performances to help spread the word.. “Our play, CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE, is a two person play (John & I), we play the roles of ourselves, Lisa and her abuser, the bailiff and judge. We don't hold anything back, Lisa's drug use, the fact that she slept with a drug dealer for Sam to get his drugs. But we don't want what we do to be a memorial to Lisa, it is about every Lisa, Julie, Mary and Joe.” The performances also include “DV the Musical?” and “I Have This Friend”. The performances are very strong and not easily forgotten, as explained by Linda. ”My little non profit is small, but we try to make a difference. Our productions are really good and we have never failed to have a standing ovation. The message is strong and it is not something that is forgotten soon.”
“Fix the Hurt” has performed for over 20,000 people worldwide and have raised $15,000+ for victim services. Their website http://www.helpfixthehurt.org/ has listed many sources of information on domestic violence, victims, family, who can be a victim of domestic violence and offers a place and people for victims of domestic violence to turn to.
Domestic violence effects many people in many ways, be it the victim themselves or their families. Linda King was a victim herself, in her first marriage that had lasted nine years. “My first husband was abusive emotionally, but I never knew what it was. We were married for 9 years. We married very young.” Linda offers words of encouragement to victims of domestic violence. “You are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect. I will be here to listen and have information for you when you are ready. I won't judge you and I will believe you. I won't push you, but I will help you.” She even offers advice for people trying to help a person who is in a domestic violence relationship. “If you talk about their abuser, they will defend him. You have to keep the focus on them and what their dreams are and how to achieve those dreams. Can they achieve what they want if they stay where they are?” Those are very strong words of encouragement and advice from a very courageous woman.
There is much hope and passion in what Linda does, and there are many people who need to be informed of “Fix the Hurt” and their cause. “Fix the Hurts” website, its five directors and its list of volunteers, all help make it possible to help spread the word of domestic violence, what the outcome can be, how to deal with domestic violence, and how to spot a person who may be a victim of domestic violence. The people of “Fix the Hurt” are all very passionate about spreading the word and finding a stop to domestic violence. They are the heart and souls of “Fix the Hurt” and they are the courage, support, and strength for the victims of domestic violence.

What Would You Do to Fix the Hurt??

Written by Julia Sullivan

After months of preparation, on April 14th, 2011, the group of ASU students in Dr. Alesha Durfee's "Women and Social Change" class embarked on a mission to spread awareness and knowledge of the realities of domestic/relationship violence and abuse. Having Linda King as our supervisor and using the ASU campus as our stage, as well as the most generous help from two phenomenal actors (Chase Reynolds and Elizabeth Sheffer) the group set out to simulate real-life situations of abuse so as to address the question to our fellow student body: "What will YOU do to help fix the hurt?"
Throughout the day, the group set up acting "skits" n various locations of campus. The scene began innocently enough, with a girl on her phone, calling a fellow classmate regarding a group project. Outraged with jealousy and anger, her boyfriend stormed over and grabbed the phone, screaming that the phone and she were his property and that she was a liar. This, of course, leads to physical escalation, as he grabs her and proceeds to drag her a couple of feet before the skit is abruptly ended.

After the skit commenced, the individuals surrounding the area were interviewed. Reactions were varied. Many were simply confused and intrigued by the situation. Some were concerned. Some were outraged, as one man in particular demonstrated as he attemped to put our male actor in a headlock (whowas not harmed in any way during the skit, by the way!!). It was clear that there was a "difussion" of responsibility seen amongst the crowd. Most assumed that someone else would step in at some point or that they would, if it had escalated further. Yet, what could be certain from that day (no matter the reaction of the individual who witnessed the fight) was the newfound awareness instilled upon the ASU community. While it may not be public, domestic abuse is real, tangible and affecting friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, coworkers and classmates each and every day. Becoming a positive influence on someone has nothing to do with the relationship you have towards them, with the most simple action can a stranger or passerby make a difference and save a life.

New Light Brought to Age Old Problem

The age old problem . . . . how to get people to pay attention to a problem they find appalling and believe there is no solution for.

So, it is with Dating and Domestic Violence! We tell our story, people are appalled and verbally condemn the act, and then they go home and immediately forget.

That is the reason the Fix the Hurt group turned to theater arts presentation to try and create a memory that will not be forgotten and will promote action.

For several weeks I was involved with a project to determine the value of theater arts in bringing awareness to the public, relative to these issues. A Women's Studies class scripted a dating violence scenario, entitled, "What would you to do help fix the hurt?" This skit was to be presented in three locations on ASU campus. Actors from the theater arts department on campus were invited to provide two actors to perform this skit.

Basically, the female actress was to be texting and the male actor was to come up, grab the phone and start scrolling though the messages, telling the girl he had the right to look at her text messages because he bought her the phone. He was to accuse her of flirting with some other guy on text. An argument developed and the actor was to take the actress by the arm and lead her away.

While the program prompted a reaction the group did not anticipate, and while it is not the response desired, it does make one important point!! People pay attention and react to live theatrical presentations.

As the actor grabbed the actress by the arm to lead her away, it seems one of the people watching the skit unfold, and not realizing it was a skit, rushed in and put a hammerlock on the actor and took him to the ground. Several people pulled him off the actor and explained to the "hero" that it was just a skit.

Clearly the message got out to the spectators. Fortunately, no one was hurt and the actors felt they had succeeded in realistically presenting the performance and the study group can definitely show that Theater Arts powerfully sends the message.

As a sidebar, there are several factors that come to light as a result of this experience:

1. Had the situation been a real encounter, the abuser would have been more alert to the actions of the crowd and may have not gone down to easily and people could have been hurt.

2. After the fray, the abuser would have, no doubt, blamed the victim for the actions of the hero and would have made her pay dearly for the incident.

To learn more about Fix the Hurt and its programs, go to www.HelpFixtheHurt.org.

A Different Experience for Interns

"It was a different environment, one I had never been a part of before. It was truly eye-opening."

One Wednesday, the 23rd of February, Regina Marie, ASU student and intern at Fix the Hurt, was granted access from the Eloy Courthouse to follow FTH Founder, Linda King, as she spoke to a group of probationers -- all of whom were there on charges of domestic violence.

While many have shied away at the thought of sitting among the perpetrators of abuse, hurt and violence for several hours, it was clear in speaking to Regina regarding the experience, that the presentation had just the opposite effect. "I was definitely very excited! I wasn't scared at all."

According to Regina, the main focus of Linda's speech to the men (and select women) was to open up the audience to not just schools and students, but to those that had been affected most personally by domestic violence. After Linda shared with the offenders the story of her late daughter, a victim of abuse, photos of the crime scene were passed among the audience. It became clear that the goal of the presentation wasn't to scold the men and women and point a finger, but to allow them to come to the realization that domestic violence is an inter-connected web. Your sister, your friend, your mother are all potential victims of abuse.

Along with the sharing of Linda's story, Carol, a survivor of not only cancer, but a 40-year long violent relationship, allowed the offenders a glimpse into the life of a victim of abuse. As Regina explained it, "Carol described how hard it was to get out because of the time that she grew up in, where it was very difficult to get out of a marriage." Regina also mentioned that coming to the realization that the relationship was affecting her negatively and a source of hurt in her life was the most difficult part.

Before meeting the offenders themselves, however, Regina also explained her apprehensions. "I thought they were going to be 'thug-ish' and scruffy, possibly evil-looking. However, it was the opposite that proved itself to be true. Most were average, everyday people, the kind of individuals you might see in a store or on the street - or possibly even in your own family."

Regina explained she remembered one man in particular, who was attractive and young, wearing nice clothing and jewelry. The faces of domestic violence and perpetrators are widespread and universal -- a single definition of who is an abuser or a victim is never certain.

As for how Regina felt immediately following her experiences in Eloy, "The feelings were positive. It was amazing. All of the offenders seemed favorable and intrigued by Linda's and Carol's stories. I think it opened their eyes to a lot and possibly to bring change into their lives."

by Julia Sullivan

ASU Intern for Fix the Hurt

Arizona/New Mexico Girls' Conferences

The first week of February was a constant roadtrip, but a roadtrip that I would make every week, given the opportunity to interact with these fantastic young women and presenters in Mesa, Tucson, Yuma and Albuquerque. At the Mesa conference, on Feb 1st, John and I had the opportunity to present our play, CONTROL.ASSAULT.DELETE to students from Tempe and Scottsdale. Two days later we were off to Tucson and presented to a hall full of energetic young women. Then we were fortunate to present to Yuma girls.

The article below is a synopsis of the two articles that appeared in the Yuma Sun the next day. What the writer (Mara Knaub) didn't see was the fantastic performance of Amber Norgaard, performer, from Tucson who has been a part of this conference for three years. Amber is a talented singer, musician, writer and all around role model for young women.

Submitted by FTH Intern, Julie Sullivan. Material taken from article in the Yuma Sun writer Mara Knaub - February 5, 2011

"I want you to know how precious you are;you can be anything your heart desires. Don't let anyone tell you anything different about yourself. Understand your worth, because you are all of divine worth."

These were the words spoken by Fix the Hurt founder, Linda King, that rang out across an audience of several dozen teenage girls at the Arizona Girls Conference in Yuma on February the 4th, 2011. "Be smart. Be safe. Don't be fooled by someone who says they love you but all they want to do is hurt you . . . "

Whether or not each individual girl had been affected directly by the hands of domestic violence themselves, what could be certain that Friday at the Ramada Chilton Conference Center was a distinct and captivating sense of hope and knowledge that prevailed throughout the demonstration. Yuman Melanie K, a Las Vegas singer, as well as a former survivor of domestic violence abuse, gave her moving story of batter and hope to the girls. "The first time he hit me, it was in front of friends. It was humilitating. But his excuse was that he had been drinking and he would never do it again," she said to the audience, who was then treated to a performance of two songs which she wrote about domestic violence abuse.

The organizer of the event, Paul Henry Danylewich, (of Fearless White Tiger - Montreal, Canada) described the goal of the Arizona Girls' Conference was to "empower young women with resources, help them recognize the different forms of violence and how to escape from abusive relationships." Danylwewich also noted that each girl should take away from the conference a sense that it is never the victim that should be blamed for domestic violence, but the perpetrator themselves. To incorporate this message into the demonstration, role-playing and story-telling were the main components of the conference. Various members of the audience were engaged in demonstrations, as well as told stories by the survivors themselves, in an extremely moving (oftentimes heart-wrenching) fashion.

"It was fascinating. I learned a lot. Anybody can be a predator. I feel more aware now." said Denise Orozoo, 15, who was an attendee of the conference. Essentially, this was the ultimate goal of the conference. Not necessarily to involve drastic change, but to instill within each attendee awareness - the awareness of their relationsips, the relationships of their friends, or even the most casual of acquaintances.

Thank you, Julie.